You know you`ve been in Russia too long when..."
...you don't think things are that bad right now.
...you have to think twice about throwing away an empty instant coffee jar.
...you carry a plastic shopping bag with you 'just in case'.
...you say he/she is 'on the meeting' (instead of 'at the' or 'in a' meeting).
...you answer the phone by saying 'allo, allo, allo' before giving the caller a chance to respond.
...you save table scraps for the cats living in the courtyard.
…when crossing the street, you sprint.
…in winter, you choose your route by determining which icicles are least likely to impale you in the head.
...you are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga car.
...you let the telephone ring at least 4 times before you pick it up because it is probably a misconnection or electrical fault.
...you hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it is a nice day for a change.
...you argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 30 rubles ($2) to go 2 kilometres in a blizzard.
...you actually know and CARE whether Spartak won last night.
...you win a shoving match with an old babushka for a place in line and you are proud of it.
...you are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at work.
...you look at people's shoes to determine where they are from.
...you are pleasantly surprised when there is real wine in the bottle of Georgian Kinzamaruli you bought in a kiosk.
...you notice that Flathead's cell phone is smaller than yours and you're jealous.
...your day seems brighter after seeing that goon's Mercedes broadsides by a pensioner's Moskvich.
...you are thrown off guard when the doorman at the nightclub is happy to see you.
...you're not sure what to do when the GAI (traffic cop) only asks you to pay the official fine.
...you wonder what the tax inspector really wants when she says everything is in order.
...you give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really exceptional.
...you plan your vacation around those times of the year when the hot water is turned off.
...you are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
...you are envious because your expatriate friend has smaller door keys than you do.
...you ask for no ice in your drink.
...you go mushroom and berry picking out of necessity instead of recreation.
...you develop a liking for beetroot.
...you know what Dostoyevsky's favourite colour was.
...you start to believe that you're a character in a Tolstoi novel.
...you know seven people whose favorite novel is 'The Master and Margarita'.
...you change into tapki (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into ...your apartment.
...you take a trip to Budapest and think you've been to heaven.
...you start thinking of black bread as a good chaser for vodka.
...you drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
...you can read barcodes, and you start shopping for products by their country of production.
...you begin to refer to locals as nashi (ours).
…It doesn't seem strange to pay the GAI $2.25 for crossing the double line while making an illegal U-turn, and $35 for a microwaved dish of frozen vegetables at a crappy restaurant.
...your coffee cups habitually smell of vodka.
...you know more than 60 Olgas.
...you give your business card to social acquaintances.
...you wear a wool hat in the sauna.
...you put the empty bottle of wine on the floor in a restaurant.
...you are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
...you have to check your passport for an arrival-in-Russia date.
Remont (repair), pivo (beer) and nalivai (pour!) become integral parts of your vocabulary.
...you've been to Tallinn at least a dozen times for visas.
...you are curious as to when they might start exporting Baltika beer to your home country.
Cigarette smoke becomes 'tolerable'.
...you th